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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30065064">I Don’t Care If Heaven Won’t Take Me Back</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose/pseuds/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose'>DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All Elite Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AEW Revolution, Everything is Beautiful and Everything Hurts, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kenny misses Kota, M/M, Song: Angel With A Shotgun (The Cab), Wingfic, one winged angel is taken very literally, the bucks are worried about Kenny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 17:54:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,355</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30065064</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose/pseuds/DiveIn_HeadFirst_CantLose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kenny isn’t really sure how it went this far, how he got so desperate to feel challenged again that he ended up in an exploding barbed-wire deathmatch, but he’s here now. </p><p>Maybe it’ll take away the longing, even if it’s only for a moment.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ibushi Kota/Kenny Omega</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. I Wanna Live, Not Just Survive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tgaret990/gifts">Tgaret990</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hello! I’m back with a new fic.</p><p>I took a lot of inspiration for the inner workings of the wing from one of Tgaret990‘a golden lovers one-shots, and from it, this fic spawned! So thank you, Angel, for being super awesome and clever and giving me tons of ideas! This one is for you!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You'd think an angel wing would be something to be proud of. A symbol of divinity, something to be admired. Kenny has always struggled to see it that way.</p><p>He holds himself to a high standard, he always has done. It's just the kind of person he is, nothing he does is ever good enough for himself. He's insecure like that, always needs to be better, always needs to exceed his last achievement. </p><p>Kenny doesn't like being different. It makes everything a million times more complicated than necessary. The thought that he is different, and always will be no matter what he does, is a scary one on its own, but the fact he's not even good at being the angel-human chimera that he is makes it even worse. </p><p>Having only one wing is a pain in the ass. It gets in the way, messes up his weight distribution, landing him in this bizarre gulf between extremely graceful and terribly clumsy.</p><p>He can't even fly on his own, not well at least. Occasionally the weight distribution and unbalanced forces send him into an uncontrollable spin, or he grows exhausted within the hour.</p><p>As the years passed, he got over himself a little. He'd accepted that he was a one-winged angel in a world of humans that could never understand. He was in purgatory, the bridge between the two races, trapped there. </p><p>He'd even leant into his status after a while. He makes the obvious final fantasy references, even names his finishing move because of it. He generally acts like he doesn't think about it at all. </p><p>He does. He thinks about it an awful lot. Even when it is totally hidden, he could still feel his wing, weighing him down. It still burdened him, heavy against his back, even when he couldn't see or touch it. </p><p>There's only ever been one person who made him feel secure about his wing, and they don't talk. Not anymore. Not after Kenny left.</p><p>He can still picture him in his mind. His own wings outstretched, holding onto Kenny to help him fly. He can still picture his smile as the wind rushed through his hair. </p><p>He doesn't want to think of Kota. He wants to think of anything but Kota. </p><p>Thoughts bring back memories and memories bring back emotions, and he can't afford to feel right now. He needs to be ruthless, but his thoughts churn on, bringing up things that were long forgotten.</p><p>Kota is the only angel he's ever met, the only one he's ever found to know how it feels to be so different. Even though he still has both of his wings, he understood how it feels to be alone.</p><p>Kenny is near certain that he is the last one. </p><p>He was beautiful. Kenny remembers every detail of his face, every moment of the love they had shared. The time in his life where he had not only loved another, but learned to love himself for who he was.</p><p>It wasn't built to last. </p><p>He wonders if Kota keeps up with AEW, wonders if he's heard about the deathmatch. Is he worrying about Kenny, somewhere out there? </p><p>He doubts it.</p><p>Kenny shakes the thoughts from his head, like clearing an etch-a-sketch.  It's hardly effective, but it's all he can do right now, taping as his wrists before the fight. </p><p>This could be it, this could be his last night on Earth. It's impossible to know, right now. The match looms just over the horizon, and he's nearly shaking with the anticipation. He knows the real reason he wanted this match. He knows what the wire will do to his wing, he remembers how damaged it was after the Lights Out match. The explosions will do even worse. </p><p>He's trying to rid himself of this curse. A wing that should be used to fly, and yet it just tethers him to the ground.</p><p>He laces up his boots, tries to prepare for what's to come. He's not ready for this, nobody ever could be. He says a prayer in his mind, even though he's never really been the type, he ignores Don's chatter about strategy. </p><p>There's no strategy involved here, only brutality, but Kenny isn't going to say anything. Standing against Don could tip the delicate balance he has, the one that keeps Kenny in Don's good books.</p><p>Kenny knows that Don is a businessman before anything else. He's not an idiot, he knows he only has Don's favour for as long as he is useful to him. He's gotten over the stinging betrayal already, to save him some time. He's accepted that Don doesn't truly care for him, and it's why Don doesn't know knows about his wing. He wouldn't give a potential adversary such a powerful tool for use against him. </p><p>Only Matt, Nick and Kota know. They're the only ones to ever know the truth, why he walked so lightly, how he moved with such grace. Why he seems to hang in the air for a moment with every somersault.</p><p>Before he goes out there, he puts on his mask, plays the part he's created for himself. Reassures Don that he has everything under control. He knows he is the only one who pretends, the only one who plays these elaborate games. He knows it's not healthy, but he doesn't care. Being a cheesy comic-book villain is better than appearing weak. </p><p>He walks down the ramp. </p><p>The barbed wire is menacing, angry, violent. Kenny wants it to ruin him, wants to feel it's bite already. He's growing impatient, but he knows he must play this game, and pretend he isn't craving the pain and hoping it'll erase his memories.</p><p>He steps into the ring.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Battle Scars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The aftermath.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wet cloth glides over heated skin, washing away the blood that was beginning to dry. </p><p>The skin of Kenny's back is slightly burned from the explosions, and the smell of burning flesh hangs in the air. Matt is sat behind him, tending to his wounds.</p><p>He'd manage to fend off Don, knowing Kenny needed some time away to recuperate. Don had pushed, but Matt has made it clear he knew best. Kenny had clung to him, on the edge of breaking down as Matt helped him to his room.</p><p>Kenny doesn't even react to the pain, seems to be at peace with it, until Matt has to clean his wing. </p><p>His breath quivers, and he tries not to lean into the biting pain, wants to feel it burning and aching, wants to feel something other than the absence in his chest. </p><p>Kenny needed someone to challenge him the way Kota did. Maybe that's why he picked on Moxley. He knew Mox does things way out of his comfort zone, thrives off the adrenaline. Kenny isn't built for bloody fights. </p><p>He knows he needed someone to push him beyond his limit, right to his breaking point, stopping just before he snaps. </p><p>He had hoped, prayed to whatever deity that exists that it would be enough. Trying this more uncertain area of his sport, challenging himself, baiting Moxley into challenging him. </p><p>It should have been enough to dull the pain, just reminiscent enough of his beloved to make the torture stop. But it's not, it's just a reminder that nobody can match him the way Kota does. His eyes flutter shut and tears roll down his cheeks. He's glad Matt can't see his face. </p><p>He misses Kota so much. </p><p>There. He said it. </p><p>He can't feel anything but the echoing void, the vacancy. Every love song he hears is about him, every poem he reads is written about him. He's inevitable, he's everywhere, he surrounds Kenny even from an ocean away.</p><p>"Shh." Matt tries to comfort, but he's pretty sure Kenny's brain is scrambled from the blood loss and ringing explosions. "I'm sorry, Kenny. I'm sorry." He says.</p><p>Kenny's once-white feathers are torn and bloody and singed, now without their golden sheen. So many of them are missing, shuffled into a little pile on the bed. As he washes the wing, trying to get the blood out of his feathers, he tries make sure any wounds or gashes are clean and sterile. </p><p>He knows it makes him a hypocrite, but Matt absolutely hates how Kenny never thinks before he acts. He rarely thinks afterward either. In fact, he isn't sure if any thinking takes place at all. Kenny is still as much of a mystery as he has always been. </p><p>Only one man has ever understood him. </p><p>Matt sighs. He still believes this was unnecessary, that Kenny went through all that for nothing. Worse, he knows the pyro has stirred something in Kenny. Fireworks always did remind him of Kota. It all feels like a love letter to him, a plea from the darkness, a reminder that he hasn't forgotten him. A plea to come save him.</p><p>He can only hope Kota hears it before Kenny ends up getting even more hurt. It's all an elaborate cry for help, help Matt isn't equipped to give him, and it's going to get louder and louder, until it drowns out everything else. Each attempt to reach him will only grow more desperate,  until Kenny has nothing left to give.</p><p>It's comfortably silent as Matt takes care of his friend. Kenny stays still, makes his job easier. </p><p>He doesn't even complain that he's fussing too much, like always. That makes Matt more worried than anything else. </p><p>Kenny always whines that he gets a little protective of his friend, and that he needs to calm down. The fact that he's not complaining means he knows he's hurt bad. That he knew he would be hurt. It tells Matt that he knew the risk going in, and he still did it. </p><p>That thought worries him most of all. That Kenny is intentionally harming himself, knowing that the match he proposed went far beyond what he could handle. He went too far on purpose. Kenny could have died out there, and Matt did nothing to protect him.</p><p>For all Matt knows... that could have been his intention, to die out there. To go out in a blaze of glory, his name a cautionary tale.</p><p>Of all the thoughts he's had today, none make him as worried as that one. He can't lose Kenny. Kenny is as much of a brother to him as Nick is. </p><p>"You can't keep doing this, Kenny." Matt whispers. "It's not healthy."</p><p>Kenny doesn't reply. It's only then Matt realises that he's fallen asleep, slumped back against him. Just too exhausted to stay awake. </p><p>Matt smiles faintly. He looks more peaceful now, and he deserves to find some peace. He tucks Kenny in, makes sure he's comfortable as he could be with all his copious injuries. He doesn't leave, knows that if he wakes he will need someone. </p><p>His heart is heavy with worry, there's nothing he can do to make this situation any better. He can't get Kota to hear him, he can't make the longing go away.</p><p>Kenny tosses and turns all night. Matt doesn't sleep, keeping his vigil, dedicating himself to watching over him. Nick comes in, offers to take over, and Matt just hugs him.</p><p>"I know." Nick says, softly, holding his brother. He knows he needs it, knows how he worries over Kenny constantly. "I know it's killing you that there's nothing we can do to help."</p><p>"I just want to make him feel better."</p><p>"This is a journey he has to go on alone. I know it doesn't make things any easier to hear it again... but all we can do is take care of him until he gets back on track."</p><p>"I hate being so powerless."</p><p>"Me too, buddy." He sighed. "But we don't have a choice. We can't interfere, we can only have  his back. Just like with the whole Cody situation."</p><p>"Let's just hope this has a better ending."</p><p>Nick nods, before putting a hand on his shoulder. "Get some sleep. Staying up and worrying will only make it worse, you know Kenny can sense that kinda stuff."</p><p>"That's easy for you to say. I'm not stupid, you're up because you're worried about him."</p><p>Nick nods, a little sheepish at being caught out. "I don't want you downing 4 coffees by lunchtime just to function. Caffeine makes you all anxious and twitchy, and that's the last thing Kenny needs. He'll worry about you, and he's worrying about enough."</p><p>"Fine, fine-" Matt pouts a little. "Why is your strategy for everything just bugging me until I agree?"</p><p>"It works." He grinned. "Now go. Shoo. Get some sleep."</p><p>Matt doesn't remember a thing after his head hit the pillow.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Sending all my love to you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Pain.</p><p>That's the first thing that registers in Kenny's mind when he wakes up. He's in a lot of pain.</p><p>He lets out a groan, shifting in hopes that it'll make a difference. He can feel constellations of little divots from the jabbing and biting of the barbed wire, lighting his whole body up with pain. None of the nicks and cuts have healed, but a few have scabbed over.</p><p>He starts to mentally assess the damage, even though he feels like he's still tangled in the wire, bracing for the explosions.</p><p>His wing is damaged and torn, so much so that it doesn't really look like a wing anymore. He supposes that the only appropriate word is mangled. It looks the way he's always seen it in his mind, and it only makes him loathe it more.</p><p>He sits up slowly and his back clicks repeatedly, almost in rhythm with his movements. That's a new and unwelcome sensation that he hadn't been prepared to brace for. He's able to move everything, even though he aches. </p><p>Nothing seems broken or damaged beyond repair, but some of the bruises can only be described as impressive. He traces his fingers over the marks on the back of his arms like he's joining the dots, wondering how many of them will scar.</p><p>It's only when he looks around and addresses the rest of the room that he realises he's alone. Totally, completely, alone.</p><p>He doesn't know that Nick thought he wanted to be alone, judging by what he had been yelling in his sleep. He doesn't know that Matt is lying awake in his bed right now, worrying about him. He hadn't been able to get a moment's rest.</p><p>What he does know, is that he feels a lot more comfortable breaking down and crying on his own.</p><p>Kenny loves strongly.</p><p>When he loves someone, loves anything, it's all-consuming. It's all he thinks about, it borders on obsessive and unhealthy and he knows it, but he just can't help it. It's just the way he is. Friends, hobbies, even when it comes to romance, he pours his whole being into the things he loves. </p><p>He would still do anything for Kota. If he so much as asked, he would follow his heart across the world all over again without the slightest hesitation. </p><p>He can't stop thinking about Kota. His voice rings through Kenny's mind, his touch has left scars on Kenny's skin. This debilitating longing is all he can think about. He feels so alone.</p><p>The old feelings haunt him. They live in everything, the way the commentators hesitate to mention him. The way everyone carefully avoids Kota's name. The way Matt and nick glance at him to check he's okay when the word 'golden' comes up in conversation with someone who doesn't know that word has a lot of meaning. </p><p>He feels disconnected. From his friends, from the world, from everything. He's so lost in his own head that he can't find his way to the light again, he doesn't know where to go.</p><p>He wraps his wing in close to him, able to pretend even for a moment that it's Kota's arm wrapped around him, that he isn't thousands of miles away, that there isn't an ocean between them, that Kota hasn't moved on and forgotten Kenny completely. </p><p>His eyes flutter shut and his chest heaves as he begins to cry silently, trying desperately to dissuade himself from adding another voicemail to Kota's inbox. He never picks up Kenny's calls, but that doesn't stop him from calling.</p><p>Kenny has been sending the voicemails ever since he left for AEW. He hopes that they bring Kota comfort, that they make him feel a little less lonely. He knows that being at the top of the mountain can be lonely. </p><p>He tells Kota about his day, whether anything funny has happened. He asks for advice, like what to do about Adam, even though he'll never get a response. He knows Kota has no interest in talking to him ever again. </p><p>He tells him everything, his most honest thoughts. How he's not quite sure who he is yet, even after all this time. He tells Kota how he still thinks of him every minute of every day, how he never leaves his thoughts. He tells him how he still loves him more than anything in the world.</p><p>He tells Kota how proud he is of everything he's achieving, Tells him to be careful with his neck, because he always worries.</p><p>He's made it clear that he'll stop sending them if Kota wants him to. Kota can send a short message and Kenny will never contact him again. He doesn't want to be a burden, he doesn't want to be a nuisance.</p><p>The message never comes.</p><p>Kenny hopes that means that he likes them, rather than the possibility that he ignores them. </p><p>It's become a really important ritual in his day, and even though he usually cries at some point while recording them, it's the happiest he feels all day, when the longing finally quiets, and he feels close to him.</p><p>He reaches for his phone on the bedside table. He knows he shouldn't. He breathes a sigh of shame before calling Kota. It goes straight to voicemail, like always. He hadn't expected any different but it's human nature to hope. Even when they were together, Kota was terrible at answering his phone. More often than not, it was either dead or on silent.</p><p>"Hi, Ibu." He says softly into the silence. The words hang there for a moment. </p><p>"It's been hard, without you. Harder than I let on. I don't even know if you're getting these, I'd totally get it if you ignore these too. This coping mechanism is probably unhealthy for both of us, but I'm just... so lost.</p><p>I'm trying, trying to find something that makes me feel even close to the way you do. But there's nothing out there that challenges me the way you do. I thought the deathmatch would help... push me out of my comfort zone, make me forget. It didn't. The physical pain... it was never enough... it didn't light that fire in me that you always kept warm." He's crying now. He knows it, and he hasn't the will to be ashamed.</p><p>"The fireworks only made me think of you. How much I need you. But you look so happy without me." He wipes his eyes. "I'm scared, I'm confused... how do you do it? How do you move on? Where do I go from here? Am I a lost cause?"</p><p>"I should go, Ibu. Please... stay safe for me. Stay happy for me." He wipes his eyes. "Seeing your success... it almost makes it worth the pain." </p><p>He hangs up.</p><p>He doesn't think it's worth getting out of bed today.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Nothing Wrong With Just A Taste Of What You Paid For</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kota doesn't want to watch this match, knows that he'll hate every second. He also knows he has to do it. He has to know if Kenny is okay. He has to know what he's going through. He knows it's his fault, after all.</p><p>Kenny only did this to deal with the void he left. Maybe, if he had picked up the phone, this wouldn't have happened. Maybe this could have all been prevented.</p><p>He puts the phone to his ear, listens as the automated voice drones on</p><p>
  <i> You have 1 new message. To- </i>
</p><p>He presses a number, and the voicemail begins to play. It's Kenny, it's always Kenny. His heart aches with longing. </p><p>The moment Kenny's quivering voice reaches his ears, he gasps softly, as if wounded by the fragility he finds there. He listens to the recording, listens as Kenny tells him how scared he is for the match, how far out of his comfort zone it is, how he wants the ground to swallow him up. </p><p>Anxiety pools in his gut. The possibility of Kenny laying there in that ring, scared and hurt, wing torn... it's all he can think about. The image haunts him. He doesn't want to see Kenny hurt, he loves him still. He always will, he will never be able to let go of his one-winged angel.</p><p>He wraps his wings around himself, trying to find some comfort. He misses Kenny so much, feels like he's been kept in the dark ever since he left. He feels like hasn't felt the sun on his skin in years. Trapped in this sick, strange darkness.</p><p>The time until the match ticks down, ticks slow. He tries to pass the time but it drags on.</p><p>When the time for the match arrives, he's white-knuckled with anticipation, holding a pillow tight to his chest, eyes just peeking over it. It's set up so that if there is a particularly nasty bump, he can hide his face like a child watching a scary movie. </p><p>The commentary sounds fuzzy to him. Familiar, but indecipherable for the most part. He's too exhausted and worried for his brain to comprehend much English, especially with JR and Schiavone's accents being as strong as they are.</p><p>He takes a few deep breaths, watching Kenny walk into the ring. He's terrified. Kota knows him, knows all his tells, and he can see that Kenny is absolutely terrified of what's to come.</p><p>The tension of the first few minutes is unlike anything he's ever felt. The air is charged with energy, it's volatile, it's predatory, ready to pounce. </p><p>They circle each other. Kenny's knees are bent, he's rooted to the ground, but Moxley is far more confident, just walking with his usual swagger.</p><p>They lock up in the centre of the ring. Each man is hesitant, and they each work hard to steer clear of the ropes, to avoid the explosions and barbed wire. Kenny is winning the struggle, trying with all his strength to back Mox into the wire. </p><p>Moxley is calm and collected, He's done things like this before. He's not afraid the way Kenny is, Kota can't see that flicker of fear in his eyes.</p><p>There's a back and forth that extends for a few minutes, where they each try to send the other into the wire-wrapped ropes. It ends with Kenny eating a few shots to the back from a Kendo stick.</p><p>He winces with each one. He's always had trouble watching Kenny's matches, as beautiful as he always looks in action. </p><p>It's all happening so fast, time seems to speed by so fast he can barely comprehend what he's seeing. All he knows is that Kenny is fighting with everything he has left in the tank. He throws a handful of powder at Moxley, temporarily blinding him.</p><p>He sends him into the ropes, and the first explosion of the match goes off. Kota flinches and hides his face in the pillow. Normally he's not this jumpy, but that's the love of his life in that ring. That's the love of his life risking it all.</p><p>Blood is trickling down Moxley's face, and all Kota can do is watch and hope, hope that Kenny won't mess this up, hope that he'll stay at least somewhat safe.</p><p>He lets out an audible whimper, the first time Kenny comes into contact with the wire, going face first into the explosion. He's vulnerable, his guard is down, his face is contorted with pain and panic and Moxley sends him back into the wire once more, ruthless. The agony brings Kenny to his knees, collapsing down onto his side and trying to arch away from the pain. He hides his face again, only looking back up when he thinks it's safe.</p><p>It's not. Kenny goes through the board, barbed wire clinging to his back.</p><p>He hides his face once more, and hopes it will be over soon.</p><p>The only other spot he actually remembers seeing is the paradigm shift into the triple hell zone. </p><p>Kenny is victorious, and the brutality continues for some time after the match, but Kota isnt paying attention to any of that. All he can think of is how much pain Kenny must be in, how hurt he must be. </p><p>He stares at the ceiling for some time, wondering what to do. He makes some calls, clears his schedule.</p><p>He looks at his screen, hesitating for a moment, before booking the flight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. I Was Getting Kinda Used To Being Someone You Loved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Nick can't fucking take this anymore. </p><p>It's been two weeks since the deathmatch, and he just can't take it anymore. </p><p>They've always been there for him. Right by his side through thick and thin, to hell and back. From grotty motels on the outskirts of Osaka to the Tokyodome, they have stuck by him. They've sacrificed so much for him, for their friendship.</p><p>And yet Kenny still fails to see what they do for him.</p><p>He's tired and frustrated and just... done. He's tired of being abandoned. He's tired of being forgotten. He's tired of giving Kenny everything he has, over and over again, and getting treated like dirt. He's tired of walking away with nothing to show for it all. </p><p>He's watched his brother do his best to look after Kenny. Nick had seen the writing on the wall long ago, he had already begun to resent Kenny for this, but Matt was still losing sleep over him. Worrying over him. </p><p>Nick himself has worried over him, lost countless hours of sleep over Kenny's problems. He had helped in whatever way he could, only to be cast aside when he had needed someone.</p><p>Both brothers had spent evenings washing blood from Kenny's hair in seedy hotel bathrooms. They had spent nights reassuring Kenny that it was safe to sleep, that he could let his guard down because they'd have his back no matter what.</p><p>Kenny had taken the both of them for granted for far too long. Something in him snaps as Kenny walks away, intending to leave the ring.</p><p>The anger creeps to a fever pitch as he thinks of all the times Kenny has screwed them over. How many times he's screwed Matt over, leading the more anxious of the two brothers to believe it was always something that he had done. </p><p>They'd grown addicted to this cycle, adjusted to it. They had let Kenny fool them over and over again. It has to end. Right here and now.</p><p>He kicks Kenny as hard as he can in the back of the head, the point where his skull and his spine meet. All his seething rage, into that one motion. He hasn't even realised he's done it, but then Kenny is crumpling at his feet and time is racing to catch up.</p><p>He doesn't regret it. He doesn't feel a thing. He just looks down at him. In the corner of his eye, he can see that Matt is in shock, wide eyes and all. Nick isn't surprised, it did seem to be out of nowhere.</p><p>His brother shoves him, yelling in his face. </p><p>"What have you done, Nick?!" </p><p>Matt's voice is pained and confused. His relationship with Kenny is strained at best, he knows that, he doesn't want to lose him.</p><p>He shoves back, just prays his brother will see sense, see what Kenny's carelessness has put them through. Nick knows he shouldn't react with anger, but that doesn't change the way that his words come out.</p><p>"What we should have done long ago!" He snapped in reply. He knows he's walking a fine line here, he half-expects Matt to slap him, as if that would sort him out.</p><p>"Kenny is our best friend!" Matt retorts.</p><p>"Yeah, but we sure as hell ain't his." He seethed. "He took us for granted, Matt. We've given everything to him and he's given us so little in return! He replaced us, he's acting like we're nothing. We need to do this."</p><p>"Nick, this is insan-" Matt starts, but nick cuts him off without a hint of hesitation.</p><p>"What's insane is that you have done so much for him and yet he still doesn't give a shit about you! You've lost sleep over him, you've treated his wounds, and where is he when you get hurt? How has he treated you?!"</p><p>Matt just looks down at Kenny, clenching a fist. He has to make a choice, and he's no time for deliberation. </p><p>He knows Nick is right, and he can't stand against his brother. That doesn't make it any easier to stand against Kenny, though, especially not when he's like this.</p><p>Kenny is looking up at him, trying to make his way to his hands and knees. There are tears in his eyes, rolling down his cheeks. Though he can't find words, his eyes are pleading and desperate, begging him not to do this.</p><p> </p><p>Matt is torn, as he locks eyes with his brother. He looks back at Kenny, and his expression hardens. Finally, it all seems clear to him, what should have been obvious from the start.</p><p>Nick is right. He's been there for him through everything, every little thing that has sent him staggering... Matt has kept him above water at the cost of himself. And when he needed Kenny, when he had been so close to drowning, Kenny had just watched as he struggled to tread water.</p><p>Kenny chose Don over them. Kenny chose the title over them. Kenny chose himself. The way that he always does. </p><p>Suddenly, anger is pulsing through him. He looks at Nick and nods stiffly. He needs this. They need this. There's no point continuing to long for what might have been if Kenny ever gave a shit about them.</p><p>Matt doesn't want to live this way, reading into every word he says, walking on eggshells all the time. He's not a sidekick. He deserves better than this. </p><p>Their feet collide with Kenny's jaw, sending him sprawling onto his back. No one is coming to save him. Not Don, not the Good Brothers. </p><p>Because none of them care, not the way Matt and Nick did. </p><p>Matt can see the confusion. The betrayal. He laughs. Kenny should have known this was coming. After all the times he had neglected them for bigger and better things.</p><p>If he was going to treat them like they were the bad guys, that's fine. They would be the bad guys. If Kenny makes them the villains of this story, that's fine. They'll play their part. </p><p>If Kenny is going to treat them like strangers, then Kenny will become just somebody that he used to know. </p><p>They pull Kenny back to a kneeling position, each holding one of his hands. He knows this borders on senselessly cruel, but he craves for Kenny to feel just as hurt and lost as he has felt. </p><p>Kenny looks down as a sob catches in his throat. Thoughts of Kota fill his head, memories of the time's he and his beloved had performed the very move that was going to end this friendship.</p><p>He braces for the impact.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. If Love Is What You Need, A Soldier I will be</h2></a>
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    <p>Just as Matt and Nick prepare for the strike, Kota comes barrelling down the ramp as fast as his feet will carry him. He's got a chair in his hands, and the look in his eyes is downright dangerous.</p><p>Matt leads his brother by the arm, knows they have to get out of here. The look in Kota's eyes borders on murderous. He glares over at them as they scurry away, chasing them off, before he turns his attention to the man still in the ring. His gaze softens, and he tosses the chair aside. He has no need for it now.</p><p>Kenny is just trying to a get to a sitting position. The lights are too bright, the rough canvas feels like fire on his skin. He's overwhelmed with emotions.</p><p>Kota kneels beside him. The feeling of closeness after so long is like heaven. He extends a hand, begging Kenny with his eyes. Pleading with him, to please take it. To let Kota help him out of the hole he's in. </p><p>Kenny takes it. </p><p>Kota pulls him up to his feet. They stand opposite each other for a moment, just looking at each other, taking everything in. </p><p>In synchronisation, they pull each other close. Kota's head rests upon Kenny's shoulder, and Kenny runs his fingers through his hair. Feeling Kota's touch after so long is like sunshine breaking through the clouds. He leans into it, it grounds him, makes him feel safe. </p><p>Makes him feel golden.</p><p>"I'm here now." Kota whispers gently. Kenny can hear that he's crying too. "I won't abandon you." </p><p>Kenny squeezes his eyes shut, pulls Kota in closer. Just holds him there for a moment. Lets himself drink in the sensations, saving the moment in memory. He's in pain, but it's a dull kind of hurt, one that Kota pushes away. Nothing hurts when Kota is close to him. </p><p>Everything is warmth and light as they hold each other. Crying together. Breathing together. They are no longer an ocean apart. They can touch. They can feel. They can love.</p><p>"I'm sorry."  Kota whispers, voice tinged with tears. "I'm sorry I didn't come sooner." </p><p>Kenny hushes him, as if he was the one that was hurt. "You came. That's enough."</p><p>They part from the embrace, but their hands find each other, intertwining. It's so right, so natural, to touch, to hold onto one another in any way they can. Kenny knows that there is a long road ahead. He will surely cry many times tonight, for many reasons. Even so, when he looks into Kota's eyes, sees the love and longing in them, he knows for sure that he's going to be okay. </p><p>Kota helps him backstage. He rubs Kenny's back as tears start to fall. Hiccuping sobs escape his throat, and Kota keeps him close. Comforting him. Loving him. In a roundabout way, it just makes him cry even harder, but he needs every second of it.</p><p>"I know, I know." Kota whispers. "We just need to get you checked out, and then we can go. I know you can do it. Kenny gives a gentle nod, almost timid. He's overwhelmed, and it makes the check-up uncomfortable, but he gets checked out, goes through the motions. Kota's hand is holding his every step of the way.</p><p>"Kenny- you can't honestly think he actually loves you." </p><p>It's Don, standing there with his hands in his pockets. Kenny freezes. Kota hates him. He's only technically known the man for a moment, but he already despises him. He hates how he plays upon Kenny's greatest fears.</p><p>He tries to find the words. </p><p>"Shoo." He says bluntly, shooing Don away with his hands as if Don were a pigeon. </p><p>"Pardon?"</p><p>Kota rolls his eyes. He's not in the mood for any of Don's bullshit. "Go away. Leave. Bye-bye now." </p><p>He leads Kenny away, tone softening as soon as they're out of earshot. He keeps an arm around Kenny's waist, knows he needs to feel grounded. He always knows what Kenny needs</p><p>"I'm so proud of you, Kenny. You've been so brave." He says, gently. Kenny's face is tucked into his shoulder. "We're all done now. We're going to go back to the hotel and have a nice, calm evening." </p><p>Kenny only nods slightly.</p><p>—</p><p>Once the door has shut, they are both content to reveal their wings. Kota's are still just as beautiful as he remembered, brilliant white with a slight golden sheen. Kenny brushes his fingers across the feathers, like reading braille.</p><p>Kota frowns. Kenny's wing is healing, but gradually. It looks a lot better than it did, though it's still very clearly not right. Kota hates the realisation that Kenny must be in so much pain right now, both from the kick and the state of his wing.</p><p>Kenny pulls Kota into a gentle kiss as they walk in the door. He's been craving it since the moment he saw Kota, has wanted to kiss him again. He'd missed his face, his smile, his voice, his everything. He was so thrilled to have him around again. They share another short kiss, letting their lips linger against each other for a while.</p><p>They are curled up on the bed together, when Kenny begins to cry. Kota's wings shelter him, wrapping him like a blanket. He's never felt safer in his life. He trusts Kota wholly and completely.</p><p>He's feeling so many things, too many to count. Betrayal, sadness, fear, happiness, love. Crying is all he feels capable of right now.</p><p>He finds safety in Kota's embrace. He closes his eyes, and lets things be simple. He stops thinking, he doesn't want to think anymore. He just wants to feel, he just wants to be loved.</p><p>There's so many conversations they need to have. They should be having them now, talking things through, working out where they stand. They both know it, in their hearts. But not now. Not tonight. Right now, he needs things to be simple.</p><p>He's laying in Kota's arms, listening to his heartbeat. Kota is humming, one of the songs from Undertale. Memory, he recalls. It's soft and comforting, makes him think about warmth and safety.</p><p>They lay there together, in comfortable silence. They don't need words, they never have needed them. </p><p>There's many conversations in their future. Some difficult, some uncomfortable. Kenny knows there is uncertainty on the horizon, but... right now?</p><p>There's no place he would rather be.</p>
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